Thoughts From a Fat Woman

Hi, everyone.
Been quite a long time since my last blog post, and here I am again. I was busy with my internship - read: pain in the arse - and now I'm on my 3 months term break. From Singapore to Bali at the 22nd of September and Bali to Jakarta at the 27th. Now I'm here in my own palace. HA!

Skip talking about my trip, it was awesome, but now I have to talk about some stuffs that have been bugging my mind.

Here we go.

I believe that every single person was born unique and different. Since I was little, never in my life I wanted to look like someone else. Frankly speaking, this Risca, yes, me, was bullied, called fat, all the weird names and all that. I struggled, I cried, I felt like I was useless and I felt like there will never be a great future for me for having this appearance. Every single time I looked at the mirror all I see was an ugly bitch. I'm not saying that I'm perfect now - nothing is perfect, remember. But until one day I realised that I have nothing to be sad for.
I had a really bad gastric problem since I was in primary school, and ever since I start to eat what I like, I gained weight and I have less problem with my gastric. All I wanted is to never feel that pain anymore, and able to taste coffee and my favourite Saké again - yup I've been drinking since 12, problem?
The weight I've gained was not a problem for me, but a problem for society. Yes, I've said it right. Fat, kingkong, ugly, giant, and all those names people called me, I still remember them. And apparently calling people names makes them feel good about themselves. Well?

One day I realised, being plus-sized is not the end of the world. I still can do most of the things that skinny people does, sometimes even better than them. I don't want to brag, but being bigger and having more strength than most girls is actually a plus point for me. I don't need a man to open a jar for me. See? HAHA!
Okay, leave the joke aside, I really thought that I have this kind of body for a reason. I started to read things about fashion, I learned make up, nail art, and my dream about studying fashion design never fails me to always get my ass up everyday and look at the mirror realising how blessed I am to be different, how blessed I am to be able to show the world that the world of fashion isn't meant only for skinny girls. Always in my head, I remember a saying that we live in a world of fashion while our life and every step we take is our own runway.

Why did I write this post, people may ask. Well, I just want everyone to be thankful for what you have. Be thankful for your big booty, be thankful for your flat boobs, be thankful for your curvy hips, just be thankful.
One more thing is that I don't want to hear people saying, "Risca is just a hypocrite, telling people to be thankful for their body while she's actually dieting like mad." - Let's be clear, yes, I am on a diet for once in my lifetime I do this because I want to be healthy and I want to feel good. I want to cut my sugar and fat consumption, I want to have a healthy eating habit. Doesn't matter about how many KGs that I will shred at the end, even if I didn't manage to lose a lot, I will still be happy that I can finally manage my healthy lifestyle. I love my body no matter what. I don't care what society says, I am the most confident woman ever, I am not afraid of showing my skin, and I will never change.

People have thrown so many stones at me that I've built a stronger wall from it. I am stronger than ever.

And for people - especially girls - that are not plus-sized, fit into everything like gloves, and look flawless in pictures, please, FOR FUCK SAKE, don't keep saying "I look fat", "I'm so fat", "I'm ugly". DON'T BRING YOURSELVES DOWN AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO SAY, "no, you're perfect". Just keep it real. There are people that are not as lucky as you are, there are people who wants to have your size and you still say that you're fat. IF YOU'RE FAT, WHAT ARE THEY?!

Just be real, and be thankful.

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Anyway, I realised I haven't posted an update about my tattoos. I got some new ones last August and here they are!

- 2 safety pins on my ankles, as a representation of what I've done these 2 years, finishing my diploma in fashion design, which is one big moment of my life.-

- Mandala flower at the back of my neck. Mandala means a circle of perfection in Sanskrit, still in the same direction with my Om tattoo. Not finished yet! I still have to continue this piece soon.-

Well, I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for spending your time reading my post. Will be back as soon as I can!

Ciao!
-Risca.K-

It Has Come To The Point....

It has come to the point where I actually finished something big in life.
Finally graduated from Advanced Diploma in Fashion Design, this is something that actually makes me proud of myself. I finally accomplished something that made me struggle and went crazy at the same time. I was filled with stress and urge to give up, tried several time to go back to Indo and end my study. But here I am having the diploma title. I SURVIVED! HAHA!

Being in fashion industry is not easy. I know it's too early to say that, since I'm just a diploma graduate - degree is waiting for me in January.
Well, people told me that it looked really fun to be able to learn fashion, looks easy and free and all the bullshit. The process ain't easy. People around me starts to ask me to make clothes for them, design stuffs and shit, well, I tell you what, it's not that easy. I won't do it for free for people who don't appreciate my work and all the blood, sweat, and tears I've been through.

OH YEAH I START TO RANT AGAIN.

At the end, I'm just so happy that my parents were so happy to see me graduate. Seeing their proud smile is one of the most amazing gift that I can never ask for.

And guess what, I got a congratulation tweet from Daniel Boey! He was the judge for our mini collection final and he loves my black jumpsuit! He kept on saying 'amazing' to my garment, and it was such an honour! Daniel Boey is one amazingly kind person and I was so pleased to be able to see and talk to him in person, and letting him see my collection!

But at the end we just have to say goodbye, right?
Erna and Stephanie are two of my closest friends in Raffles. I'm gonna miss them when they're gone - they're not continuing degree.
People said that there's no such thing called friendship in fashion, but well, we proved it wrong. There will be a day when we will be reunited once again, hopefully having our own brand! HAHA!
OH! And congratulation to Heaven for getting the 2nd place in top student award! I'm so proud of him!

I'm now waiting for my flight back to Jakarta. Gonna be there til Saturday before internship starts. Promise I'll write more often here!
Adios! <3