Thoughts From a Fat Woman

Hi, everyone.
Been quite a long time since my last blog post, and here I am again. I was busy with my internship - read: pain in the arse - and now I'm on my 3 months term break. From Singapore to Bali at the 22nd of September and Bali to Jakarta at the 27th. Now I'm here in my own palace. HA!

Skip talking about my trip, it was awesome, but now I have to talk about some stuffs that have been bugging my mind.

Here we go.

I believe that every single person was born unique and different. Since I was little, never in my life I wanted to look like someone else. Frankly speaking, this Risca, yes, me, was bullied, called fat, all the weird names and all that. I struggled, I cried, I felt like I was useless and I felt like there will never be a great future for me for having this appearance. Every single time I looked at the mirror all I see was an ugly bitch. I'm not saying that I'm perfect now - nothing is perfect, remember. But until one day I realised that I have nothing to be sad for.
I had a really bad gastric problem since I was in primary school, and ever since I start to eat what I like, I gained weight and I have less problem with my gastric. All I wanted is to never feel that pain anymore, and able to taste coffee and my favourite Saké again - yup I've been drinking since 12, problem?
The weight I've gained was not a problem for me, but a problem for society. Yes, I've said it right. Fat, kingkong, ugly, giant, and all those names people called me, I still remember them. And apparently calling people names makes them feel good about themselves. Well?

One day I realised, being plus-sized is not the end of the world. I still can do most of the things that skinny people does, sometimes even better than them. I don't want to brag, but being bigger and having more strength than most girls is actually a plus point for me. I don't need a man to open a jar for me. See? HAHA!
Okay, leave the joke aside, I really thought that I have this kind of body for a reason. I started to read things about fashion, I learned make up, nail art, and my dream about studying fashion design never fails me to always get my ass up everyday and look at the mirror realising how blessed I am to be different, how blessed I am to be able to show the world that the world of fashion isn't meant only for skinny girls. Always in my head, I remember a saying that we live in a world of fashion while our life and every step we take is our own runway.

Why did I write this post, people may ask. Well, I just want everyone to be thankful for what you have. Be thankful for your big booty, be thankful for your flat boobs, be thankful for your curvy hips, just be thankful.
One more thing is that I don't want to hear people saying, "Risca is just a hypocrite, telling people to be thankful for their body while she's actually dieting like mad." - Let's be clear, yes, I am on a diet for once in my lifetime I do this because I want to be healthy and I want to feel good. I want to cut my sugar and fat consumption, I want to have a healthy eating habit. Doesn't matter about how many KGs that I will shred at the end, even if I didn't manage to lose a lot, I will still be happy that I can finally manage my healthy lifestyle. I love my body no matter what. I don't care what society says, I am the most confident woman ever, I am not afraid of showing my skin, and I will never change.

People have thrown so many stones at me that I've built a stronger wall from it. I am stronger than ever.

And for people - especially girls - that are not plus-sized, fit into everything like gloves, and look flawless in pictures, please, FOR FUCK SAKE, don't keep saying "I look fat", "I'm so fat", "I'm ugly". DON'T BRING YOURSELVES DOWN AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO SAY, "no, you're perfect". Just keep it real. There are people that are not as lucky as you are, there are people who wants to have your size and you still say that you're fat. IF YOU'RE FAT, WHAT ARE THEY?!

Just be real, and be thankful.

____________________________________


Anyway, I realised I haven't posted an update about my tattoos. I got some new ones last August and here they are!

- 2 safety pins on my ankles, as a representation of what I've done these 2 years, finishing my diploma in fashion design, which is one big moment of my life.-

- Mandala flower at the back of my neck. Mandala means a circle of perfection in Sanskrit, still in the same direction with my Om tattoo. Not finished yet! I still have to continue this piece soon.-

Well, I think that's it for now. Thank you so much for spending your time reading my post. Will be back as soon as I can!

Ciao!
-Risca.K-

It Has Come To The Point....

It has come to the point where I actually finished something big in life.
Finally graduated from Advanced Diploma in Fashion Design, this is something that actually makes me proud of myself. I finally accomplished something that made me struggle and went crazy at the same time. I was filled with stress and urge to give up, tried several time to go back to Indo and end my study. But here I am having the diploma title. I SURVIVED! HAHA!

Being in fashion industry is not easy. I know it's too early to say that, since I'm just a diploma graduate - degree is waiting for me in January.
Well, people told me that it looked really fun to be able to learn fashion, looks easy and free and all the bullshit. The process ain't easy. People around me starts to ask me to make clothes for them, design stuffs and shit, well, I tell you what, it's not that easy. I won't do it for free for people who don't appreciate my work and all the blood, sweat, and tears I've been through.

OH YEAH I START TO RANT AGAIN.

At the end, I'm just so happy that my parents were so happy to see me graduate. Seeing their proud smile is one of the most amazing gift that I can never ask for.

And guess what, I got a congratulation tweet from Daniel Boey! He was the judge for our mini collection final and he loves my black jumpsuit! He kept on saying 'amazing' to my garment, and it was such an honour! Daniel Boey is one amazingly kind person and I was so pleased to be able to see and talk to him in person, and letting him see my collection!

But at the end we just have to say goodbye, right?
Erna and Stephanie are two of my closest friends in Raffles. I'm gonna miss them when they're gone - they're not continuing degree.
People said that there's no such thing called friendship in fashion, but well, we proved it wrong. There will be a day when we will be reunited once again, hopefully having our own brand! HAHA!
OH! And congratulation to Heaven for getting the 2nd place in top student award! I'm so proud of him!

I'm now waiting for my flight back to Jakarta. Gonna be there til Saturday before internship starts. Promise I'll write more often here!
Adios! <3

New Life?

Here I am again.

It's Saturday afternoon here, and I'm all alone in my room. It's raining outside and I really need a good rest after a whole busy week, so I decided to stay at home and just have a bowl of instant noodle.

The first week was really good. It's tiring but fun. I met some new friends too. Mostly are Indonesians, and a Vietnamese friend too. We girls (yes, 7 girls) help each others, and always make hard times in class into a real funny moment. Ridiculous, but maybe you guys think that I'm really happy at the moment, but you just don't know how hard it feels right now.

At the first day of uni I felt all alone. I didn't know anyone. And I'm not that easy to fit in into new social groups. I walked alone around the campus building, ate lunch alone, went home alone, and even I didn't get dinner that day just because I was feeling really lonely. I lost my appetite.

The second and third day were better. I knew some new people, went out for dinner together after class and shared about how we feel about our new life. We all felt the same. They said that they felt lonely too. They took take-outs for dinner because no one accompany them to eat. And I was like, "God, thank You for letting me know that they're feeling the same as my feeling. I'm not alone."

The fourth day and the fifth day (which is yesterday) we girls had a real fun. Lunch and dinner together, after class workshops together, and we went for shopping at Orchard together too. At that time I just felt really good. I walked back home at 10pm with a big smile. I forgot everything about homesick for a while.

Last night I talked to my brother on Skype. I learned a lot from him. He's been away from home since I was in the 7th grade, and he told me a lot of things about living alone, away from the family. He told me things about social life too.

After I turned off my laptop and prepared to go to sleep, I was thinking about how lucky I am at the moment...

_______________________________________________________

New life. Yes.
It's all new here now. No TV, no football matches, no my favorite foods, no family members, everything. I'm starting a new page of life.

These 3 days I've been texting my lil brother and mom to tell them to go online so I can videocall them. But they're too busy and they couldn't go online. Instead of that, my mom phoned me for a couple of times to make sure that I'm okay.
Just before I started to write today, my mom phoned me too. And I don't know why my tears started to fall after I heard her voice.

I miss my mom.

When I was back home, I've never had a good relationship with my mom. We argued about everything. And everytime I was mad with her, I told her that I really wanna live far away from her, I told her I wanna stay away and never come back anymore.
The day I went to the airport, she hugged me really tight and I couldn't even see her eyes cuz my tears fell straight away. I still remember, she said "take care" just before I left. And I think that was the first time I got to hug her that tight.
I have never appreciated her presence in my life. I have never made her proud of myself.
I'm not a good daughter, and maybe I'm not the kind of daughter that she had ever asked for herself.

But know I know, how much I need her by my side. Hearing her voice really makes my day. I love you, Mom. and I miss you.


____________________________________________

Next week my cousin and aunt are coming to Singapore, and I begged mom to come with them too. Dad is also coming here again next week to help me with my student pass and bank account. I just hope that next week will be great and I can cherish the moment with them.

That's all for the day. I'm going out for an Indonesian BBQ Party with my friends at my campus in 2 hours. I should take a shower and get ready soon.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

xoxo,
-RiscaK-

"I wanna share your horizon, and see the same sun rising..." - Jet Lag, by: Simple Plan ft. Natasha Beddingfield <3

Hey, Mr. Lonely :)

Here I am again.

So Sunday... I'm now sitting alone at Vivo City's Skypark trying to find a good atmosphere to write something.
I just went for a walk to Sentosa's Festive Walk for a photo hunting. All alone. Of course.

Somehow it makes me think about some stuffs back home.

I have never appreciated the fact that living near your beloved family and friends is better than anything else. My dad just went back to Jakarta this afternoon, and I'm all alone now. I went for a walk by myself, ate lunch by myself, and even took photographs on "Family Vacation Spots" by myself. It's kind of sad right?

One more thing that's been bugging my mind after the Sunday walk....
I saw the beach... I went to Toys R Us and saw a rack full of Pictureka playsets... It reminds me of someone I know back then. The memories came to my mind in a matter of seconds. Geez.

One thing I learned today.
You won't appreciate the presence of your beloved ones until the day you see that they're not around you anymore.
This is what happens to me right now. I have never felt so lonely like this before.

________________________

Anyway, today has been good to me. I finally saw the beach, felt the ocean's breeze, and enjoyed the place where I can feel the open space.
The sun shines so bright and the skies are blue. I love the weather. :)
It's 5.35pm at the moment and the sun will set soon. And maybe at that time I'll head back to my home, and spend the rest of the night with the internet and prepare for tomorrow.

IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF FASHION DESIGN'S CLASS TOMORROW!

I'm excited, I'm kind of freaking out, but who knows what will happen next? Let's just enjoy the surprises! Haha. Just please please please wish me the best luck for my future! LOL.

Anyway, time to go now. Cya guys!

xoxo,
-RiscaK-

"Do you hear me? I'm talking to you across the water, across the deep blue ocean under the open sky. Oh my baby, I'm trying..." - Lucky, by: Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat. :)

Wawin's Here!

yeah, wawin here...
pasti kangen kan semuanya??
kita tadi habis bikin video...
video yang menunjang pendidikan gitu deh, tentang, BAGAIMANA CARA PEMAKAIAN BEDAK KOCOK UNTUK KUTIL BULU KUCING INFEKSI yang benar..

hari ini gak tau kenapa, si metita megangin hape nya terus, apalagi kalo bukan gara-gara si espanyola..
aku tahu kamu orang spanyol, tapi bisa gak sih, berhenti bicara dulu!

giliran si metita smsan, si cikabento lagi nyanyi mambo gak jelas banget
wawin sampe mikir, apa cuma wawin yang normal disini?
hari ini kita uda bertahak berkali-kali gara-gara bakmi BABI AJUN yang dibeliin maminya cika yang baik hati

udah dulu ya, acu mau bobok
nite all :)